5 Ways to Lessen “That Visit Anxiety”

If you read my last blog “That Visit Anxiety” and it resonated with you, I wanted to give you a little more (tangible) advice. I’m big on actionable items. I’m big on making moves! (And I also want guides in as many areas of my life that I possibly can!) So … I’m sending out these 5 tips to lessen that visit anxiety in hopes that it helps ease some of your possible discomfort.

Plan Your Visit Ahead of Time

I would usually plan to be at my dads either right before lunch or as he was finishing up. (I knew watching him eat made me feel uncomfortable - choking was always on my radar - so I knew not to go right at lunch time.

Talk to the staff to see when your loved ones most optimal times are and do your best to be there during that time frame.

Bring Something

My Dad was a sucker for sweets, so (when he was still able) I would make sure I stopped and grabbed a special treat. When he was put on the pureed food diet, I would bring pictures/photo albums or a sensory toy, (fidget spinner, stress ball, pop it) from my kids collection.

I didn’t show up empty handed.

I tried my best to be at his level most of the time.

I always sat in front of him and looked him directly in the eye (unless we were on a walk!) and spoke to HIM (not about him to someone else). I sat so he could see me and made sure to give him a touch now and then. Another helpful tip : try and refrain from asking “do you remember…” and use this helpful sentence starter - “ I was thinking about the time when …”

Go Outside

Fresh air and sunshine will always always be good for the soul. Taking your loved one outside is a change of scenery for you both. It’s a reset and it’s a way to shake off any residual anxiety. Let that breeze and (hopefully) that sunshine recharge you. Enjoy the small things and use this time to talk about what you see.

Remember Them

When I would go and visit my dad, often times I would feel like I was entering the twilight zone. Like, this cannot be real. It’s a dream or a bad movie. When the anxiety would flare (usually when I walked in), and I got uncomfortable, I would remind myself - he’s still dad. Now, I’m no fool. I know he’s not well, his brain has deteriorated and his body “pooped out” (a saying my boys love to use!) BUT, he’s still the man who loved me with such tenderness and vulnerability. He is still the person who dropped me off at preschool and was normally the first parent there to pick me up!

Remember who they were.

ALL of this advice has helped me in one moment or another. I’m not saying it’ll cure your anxiety - but I’m very hopeful that it’ll lessen it.