Ah, Self-care… the buzzword of the decade.
What does it mean to me?
Rachael told me I needed to share my self-care advice with you all and to prep for this post, I actually went back into my instagram and scrolled through the years of my mom’s disease. I wanted to put myself back in that time because my self-care at that time (when I felt I was in the trenches) is a little different than my self-care now. I’m actually going to share some of those posts with you guys below, because, you know me, I’m a visual gal!
When my mom was first being diagnosed with FTD and ALS, I went into a survival mode… but looking back I definitely was surprisingly very intentional on how I started to figure out how to care for myself during that time. I also very quickly let go of the brave face. I really was open about how bad I was struggling. Even with work. I told them immediately. I cried at my desk. I was a mess, but I was honest. This was the hardest time of my life.
The first thing I did was call my closest friends who I trusted.
I told them point blank, I need a weekend away with all of you. We planned a Friendsgiving and I opened up and told them what we were starting to learn about my mom, and let them know I’m going to need you all.
This is a photo of that weekend away. Mike and I swinging on the porch by the water outside of this awesome house we found in the middle of Boston and NYC (where most of my best friends live).
I’m lucky that that core group of friends all stood by and cried with me and stuck by me, but in the coming year I had to shed a lot of relationships that were not serving me. I feel like in this survival mode I started to form a core team of people that I knew “got it” or at least were trying really hard to get it… and I kept those people close. But along the way I had so much heartbreak realizing that some people were not on the journey with me.
What helped me was clinging to the people that made me feel good. Nurturing those friendships. Reaching out when I needed them and letting them know how much they were helping me. I am an extravert mostly. I get a lot of comfort from people. From chatting, so this is what was working for me.
I also called upon something my mom always preached to me to be a healing self-care activity:
ART
Which was especially soothing to me because it helped me feel close to my mom, too.
For those of you who don’t know, my mom Lia was an artist. She did a lot of collage, painting, “mixed media” art as they say. She was not trained and she didn’t believe in using fancy supplies. She did art because it helped her unwind. It opened up a different part of her mind and it brought her a lot of joy.
I cannot tell you how many times I was struggling with something growing up and she’d buy me a journal and say let’s art journal about it. I think writing is the same for Rachael. A place to put on the page your feelings. Rachael uses words, my mom and I would use images. Sometimes quotes, a word or small phrases.
My mom has a lot of tutorials on her longtime art blog “Art Junk” that help get you started with art journaling or talk about the importance of creativity. I’ve linked a few below:
You Don’t Have Time NOT To Be Creative
Also, the photo here is from an art journal of my moms’s. I loved it so much I had to share online during that time to express my feelings. Quotes are something else that helps me. Anyone else scroll online for quotes that just help you feel like you’re not alone? I love that. Rupi Kaur, Morgan Harper Nichols are some of my favorites.
Also, Lia would want me to tell you that art does not need to be beautiful or perfect or even look like art… it’s really about the process of taking time to use a different part of your brain. Painting a page.. just a solid color even…. helps slow your breath and help you unwind.
I don’t want to bombard you with a lot, so I’m keeping my list here to 3 things… and the last one is getting outside. I feel calm by the water… and just being in a space outside my home I felt like I could breathe. The sadness was no doubt still here, but there’s something very soothing to me about the water… and I’m lucky that where I live there’s a lot of it to explore.
Of course, before I let you go, I must share that the strongest form of self-care that I’ve done in the last 5 years was starting therapy. I didn’t start until 3 years into my mom’s disease, and after my OBGYN sent me in the middle of my pregnancy… and I was very resistant at first… even though I had been to therapy before I really felt like what could this do for THIS situation with my mom (how silly I was!). I still see that therapist to this day… and it’s helped me learn and grow and stabilize so much.
I hope reading through this list has helped spark some ideas or maybe just even made you enjoy my mom’s art. We also have an art tutorial in Re-Members Only where I share my mom’s word of the year activity we always used to do if you’re interested.
Take good care, friends. Do what feels best for you, and just remember not to be afraid to share what you’re going through with others. You don’t have to do this alone.
xx M
