5 Things I Miss About you
To my sweetest Frankie,
We are approaching a half a year since you’ve left this place and went somewhere beyond. It’s been six months since I had to say goodbye, since I kissed your sweet cheeks and squeezed your hands as tightly as I could. Six months. How did that happen? How can the world continue to turn? How can life just… continue?
There is so much I miss about you. There is so much left to say to you and so much left for you to see. There are still memories to be made, orchids to tend to, fish tanks to tidy and guitars to strum. I guess that’s the thing when someone goes to the place beyond – our life here, keeps going.
There are a million things I miss about Frank, but the top 5 are … drum roll, please….
Seeing you. What I would give to see you again. The last 10 years with you in your disease are not what I want to remember. I want to see you pulling up to our house, I want to see you playing the guitar. But what I would really like to see you with my boys. Seeing you as grandfather. Seeing you smile.
Your Hands. I always found comfort in your hands. They were such a safe space for me. They were so gentle and they gave unconditional love. They were home. They held your story and they shared our traditions. They were strong. They were hard working and genuine. They were loving and they were you.
Your Advice . I miss your guidance, Dad. You always saw the good and urged me to do the same. You taught me to follow my heart, quiet my mind, and go for it. You taught me not to judge too quickly, to love out loud and if I was going to get angry, get good and angry. You taught me to “accept the good” and to be kind, no matter what.
Our Trips. No matter where we went you made it fun. To the grocery store, up to Santa Barbara, Mexico. Anywhere with you was exciting. You made the mundane fun. You made the everyday outings an adventure and spending time with you was undemanding and effortless.
The Memories that Will Never Be. I missed you at the birth of my children, at my wedding and when I bought my first house with Nick. I missed you at my birthdays and on Christmas morning. I missed you where you were supposed to be. But most of all, I miss you in the everyday. Seeing your name in my phone, calling just to say hi. I miss the sound of your shoes and the smell of your cologne. I miss you calling me daughter.
My sweetest Dad, my confidant, my first love….. I miss you in ways that words cannot describe. And I love you bigger than the sky.
Xx,
Daughter.
