How To Know It’s Time
If you know me, you know I don’t like blanket statements. I don’t like a one size fits all approach and I definitely don’t think there’s a step by step manual in dealing with human beings … why? Because we are all different. Everyone has a different past, a different upbringing, a different way of looking at the world, etc. So when I offer advice, please always consult additional medical professionals, family members, etc. As much as I wish I could present you with a step by step procedural guide, unfortunately it’s not the cards. For any of us. And especially with a terminal, progressive disease. I think it’s best to first define what type of care facilities are out there and how they are similar/different from each other.
Independent Living: is a senior living option that is designed to enable independent seniors to enjoy an active lifestyle in a community of their peers. IL typically involves apartment style housing for an age restricted community of residents
Assisted Living Facility: an option that combines apartment style housing, organized social interaction, and private support services as needed. Typically a step up from independent living.
Skilled Nursing Facility: these facilities provide 24-hour health care from licensed nurses, as well as access to registered nurses (RNs) and certified nursing assistants (CNAs). While they’re generally used for short-term stays, they do provide long-term care for medically-necessary cases.
Memory care: is a kind of specialized care for people living with Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. Communities typically feature secure environments where staff can closely monitor the health of the residents.
Again, there is no set time to transition your loved ones in to a facility, and there is always a choice to keep them at home. This journey with FTD is very individual and so is this decision. We, here at Remember Me, often get asked about the transition and how to know “it’s time” and these are the follow up questions we normally try and respond with …
did your loved one tell you/write down their wishes?
financially, where are you with this decision? What do your finances look like a year from now? five years? What about an unexpected trip to the hospital?
What do their doctors think?
Have you started touring facilities?
Would placing your loved one in a facility be difficult on you? Or would it alleviate caregiving burnout?
These follow up questions help give us a little clearer road map as to thought process, emotional availability and a plan.
Typically, we follow up with a few signs/determinants to help guide their decision.
Safety at home is becoming more difficult (wandering, falling, aggressive, impulsive, etc)
Personal Hygiene is lacking or becoming a point of contention in your relationship.
Mobility it becoming increasingly more difficult and cause for concern.
Eating and sleeping habits are changing at a drastic speed.
YOU (as the caregiver) are reaching a level of burn out.
Toileting is reaching the level of incontinence
Medications are being forgotten, overused or mishandled.
Some people have the ah ha moment, others still aren’t ready to transition. To be honest, it wasn’t easy leaving my dad in the care of others, BUT it was the best decision for him (regardless of my thoughts).
There isn’t an easy way to make a decision of this magnitude. It’s extremely emotionally charged and extremely specific to each families journey. I wish someone would have told me this during my uncertainty … “if you’re not happy with your decision, you can always change your mind.”
Of course that seems like a no brainer, but the validation was like a breath of fresh air. And we all deserve a moment to take a deep breath.
