Toxic Positivity?

So, the other day, while my children played and I sat down for a quicker breather … I stumbled upon an article on VeryWellMind titled, “What is Toxic Positivity?” Needless to say the heading quickly grabbed my attention and I read on. I found myself caught in the middle of “oh, yes! totally agree,” and “what the hell is the author thinking?” and I got to thinking … is our message of “accept the good” a form of toxic positivity?

the answer is no. nope. negative. nah. never.

The article defines toxic positivity as the “belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset…. (and) reject difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful, often falsely positive facade.” Eeeek. I forwarded this piece over to Maria and asked “is this us?” and she quickly replied with, “I hope you’re joking.” (I can always count on her to force me in to shape and I love that about our relationship.

Here, at The Remember Me Podcast, we pride ourselves on “ accepting the good,” NOT denying or ignoring the brutality of the hard stuff. Kendra Cherry, the author of “What is Toxic Positivity?” states that “toxic positivity takes positive thinking to an overgeneralized extreme … (and) minimizes and denies any trace of human emotions that aren’t strictly happy or positive. Cherry goes on to say that toxic positivity is harmful because it is shaming, entices guilt, causes people to avoid authentic human emotion and most importantly, prevents growth.

Maria and I continued our conversation and came to the conclusion that … No, we don’t participate in toxic positivity nor do we condone it. (our answer above still stands true). Instead, we believe that accepting the good is a daily practice which allows your mind to see the light in the dark, the good in the bad, and the sweet with the … sour? Let me give you an example.

I remember one of my first visits with my dad after he was placed in a facility, I panicked. I couldn’t go in. I just couldn’t face him. I was scared, sad, mad, nervous… all the things. I remember Nick and my mom went in and I stayed in the car. I felt so defeated. I felt disappointed in myself. And in that moment, I wasn’t able to accept the good. I didn’t see any goodness to accept, if I’m being honest. But, the next visit - a few weeks later - I decided that I could go in. Nothing major shifted, I just listened to my “gut” and knew it was time. That right there, thats the goodness. Thats the light in the dark and thats doing the hard things when faced with them.

“Toxic positivity denies people the authentic support that they need to cope with what they are facing,” Cherry comments.

So, the moral of this- “little-breather” -I-took-and-came-upon-this-article story is this - Hards things are HARD. They’re dark and they’re unpleasant at times. The idea to accept the good doesn’t negate that. Its offering the notion that when there is goodness (even in the hard things!), you soak that in. You lean in to the light and allow the good greet you.